


Last Young Renegade

by doublydaring



Category: All Time Low, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: All rape is explicitly defined so you can skip around it if you like, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 14:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10901472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doublydaring/pseuds/doublydaring
Summary: Toxic Valentine coughed. Sand, the blood of the desert. It covered as far as the eye could see and much farther than that. It coated his skin and seeped into his bones. He got used to being part of the desert.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Toxic Valentine-Alex  
> Mr. Smiley-Rian  
> Stoic Shock-Zack  
> Kandy Kat-Jack  
> The Bee's Knees- Cassadee  
> Oso-Nano  
> The Main Event-Lisa  
> Jettison-John O'Callaghan

Toxic Valentine coughed. Sand, the blood of the desert. It covered as far as the eye could see and much farther than that. It coated his skin and seeped into his bones. He got used to being part of the desert. He stood overlooking a large expanse of flat land riddled by the decaying bodies of last night’s massacre. Dracs had found a camp of sleeping ‘joys. New kids who had just escaped from the juvie halls of Battery City. He turned to the man behind him and spoke. “Far too young to die.”

Mr. Smiley just shook his head; a woman had emerged from the building behind them and was listening.

“Aren’t we all.”

The Bee’s Knees. Toxic used to chuckle at the thought of the name she had chosen but he now knew she was no laughing matter. She had escaped from Batt City with them over a decade ago. Back when liberation was much less refined but security measures weren’t quite as tight. He remembered how it happened more vividly than anything.

“You scared?” Rian asked. Alex laughed at this.

“Terrified. I couldn’t be more ready.” Rian just nodded in response. They seemed uniform. Wearing the black and white simple clothes of any citizen, but they were far from that. Tired, angry, opinionated teens. Tired of listening. Angry at the machines that controlled their lives. Ready and willing to fight their way out. At the time there were very few cases of it. Kids sneaking out through the sewers and storming guards. It was a long shot but they were ready to die for it.

Only a few of the kids below had blasters. None of them could have been older than fifteen.  
Kandy Kat walked toward them and looked down at the carnage below. “You’ve gone soft,” he teased with a slap to Toxic’s shoulder, but Toxic could see in his eyes the same thing was running through his head.

The Bee’s Knees began to make her way down toward the fallen killjoys. She skirted around rocks quickly. Toxic and Smiley were quick to follow. Kandy Kat hesitated and ran back into The Riff. When he emerged again, Stoic Shock was with him and they followed the group down. Bee stood over the body of a young girl. She didn’t have a mask or blaster, and she was still wearing the plain clothes of a Batt Rat. She had been shot through the head. The Dracs hadn’t even bothered to bag the bodies like they usually did. Bee knelt down and closed the girl’s eyes. “Your shadow lives on without you.”  
They collected something from each of the kids and buried them.

Alex had been taken to the Juvie Halls for repeated offenses of disruption. He’d been released a few months later but it changed him. Rian could tell. He slept less and talked more, but not about the things he used to. He talked about the people he met in the Hall and how he wanted to leave. Rian had never thought about leaving until Alex mentioned it.

He mulled it over in his brain for weeks. “Do I really want to leave? Do I just want to go because Alex wants to go?” Alex, kindhearted as he was, never thought about Rian not wanting to leave. Alex didn’t think about how Rian didn’t have to live in an 8-foot box with two other boys for three months. Alex just knew that he wanted out. Rian would contemplate his dilemma late into the dark nights of Battery City. He could hear Alex gushing about how much more his life would mean out in the zones over the faint hum of the city. He decided one night when his mom reminded him he was breaking regulations again. This wasn’t for Alex, it was for himself and he could finally see that.

Toxic Valentine ran to claim the driver's seat in their dilapidated pickup truck. Mr. Smiley was quick to open the passenger side door, leaving Stoic Shock and Kandy Kat to sit in the flatbed. They drove into the seemingly endless desert toward a single inconspicuous item, a mailbox. They had saved the belongings of the dead and came to deposit these things as a final valediction. Toxic Valentine placed a white scarf, some pins, and a green mask into the mailbox and walked away. Mr. Smiley paid his respects before following Toxic. It used to be rare that Toxic would slow down for a second and just talk to Mr. Smiley but it seemed to be happening more and more often lately. The once-rapid life of the desert had become a slow lull of activity among a small group of friends.

“Smiley?”

Smiley focused on the man beside him.

“I’m not sure anymore. With the Four gone, so few ‘joys are coming across and almost none of them make it. Those who do are more interested in creating a legacy than our cause. I feel like we’ve lost a lot of what we stand for with them.”

“They were figureheads, held on a pedestal as the voice of a movement but, we are that movement. We’ve lost so-,” He paused. “We’ve lost so many friends and some family but I think we need to go back to what started this. Remember opening for Mad Gear and The Missile Kid with Cobra?”  
Toxic laughed at the memory. “Boy, do I miss Cobra.”

Smiley did too but knew he didn’t need to put it into words. “See. Think back to the height of the movement think about the very thing that defined us. Remember when we begged Doctor D to let us play our song on the radio? The Four don’t define us as a band- we did. Kandy’s dumb jokes did. Your stupid fluffy hair did.”

Toxic elbowed him. “Hey! You loved my stupid hair.”

“Still do.” Smiley ran a hand through Toxic’s hair. “But what I was saying was the four didn’t make our band and they sure as hell didn’t make us. We built our little family from the sand without them and we’ll keep going without them.”

“I know we will, that’s not my worry. It’s everybody else. A desert is a dangerous place and sooner or later we’re all bound to get picked off. We live in a society that’s reliant on the constant flow of kids from Batt City. We lost that with the four. They never heard about how deadly this was. You didn’t hear about it when Horseshoe Crab got ghosted or Mr. Sandman but now that the four are dead it seems real to these kids.”

“They’re realizing this life isn’t really about getting to break the rules, it’s about the genuine belief that BLI is wrong. Now that kids know that, we’ll get the best of the bunch.”

“I know but living out here is what shapes kids to act that way. Juvie made me think that way but you wouldn’t have followed out here if I told you it was a political statement.”

“I understood that. I would have come. You think that our simple acts of rebellion weren’t on the same level as an organized protest in the form of what was essentially desertion? It was. We couldn’t overthrow their government, but you can’t expect a bunch of kids to do that.”

“I guess you’re right.”


	2. II

Toxic was ready for a life of “all is well”. He was far from old but the desert filled them up like an hourglass if they stayed in the same place for too long. He was content living his life as it was but there would be none of that for a killjoy. No rest for the weary.

Toxic Valentine woke with a start. Gunshots rang through his head, but that’s the sort of thing that happens to a person who’s been in too many firefights, and he dismissed it out of hand. He buried his face back into Smiley’s chest and tried to focus on the steady rise and fall of his stomach, but then he heard them again. The sharp mechanic sound of blaster fire. Closer this time. He shook Smiley awake.

Their response was immediate; years of running taught them well. Clothes were on and necessities were collected in a matter of minutes. The Trophy Boys slipped out the back door of the old bar and into the truck. It thankfully started with no trouble. They were off hoping to avoid trouble, but secretly craving it. Toxic Valentine’s hourglass was almost full but he might have a chance to shake it.

Kandy Kat always liked a fight--not for the pain but the theatrics, the rush of adrenaline, the feeling of being part of something, and truly taking action to advance that cause. Stoic Shock was nearly indestructible. Kandy Kat would run in, guns blazing, like a madman and become the immediate target but Stoic Shock was far more lethal. He had brute strength and subtlety on his side. Mr. Smiley was simple; he had no style or bravado. This wasn’t a game to him. It was real. He would point and shoot no extra flare. Toxic Valentine was the best in a fight no matter what he tried to say. He was slick, and his hands moved far faster than the dulled minds of Draculoids. He would hang behind at first and watch the first clumsy dracs get picked off. He was agile and a great shot. He would have their gun in his hand, a kiss on their cheek, and a blast to their head before they could think to move.

Toxic pulled the truck around, quickly creating a cloud of dust that blurred the already monochromatic vision of the BLI goons. He could see three killjoys running erratically so as to avoid the blind fire of the Dracs behind them. The Bee’s Knees and two very old friends: Vinny Vegas and Kurily Fry. Toxic doubled back, taking the truck in a loop and stopping parallel to the oncoming gunfire. Bee was the first to reach them hopping easily into the bed of the truck. She was followed closely by Vinny and Kurily who scrambled frantically over the side. Toxic took off as fast as he could. West toward Ghost City. His hourglass was flipped.

“Vinny Vegas!” Toxic heard Kandy Kat rejoice once they’d lost the Dracs on their tail. “I wouldn’t believe it if I couldn’t feel your baby soft skin right now.”

“Shut up, Kandy!” was all Vinny could muster through his euphoria.

“And my man Kurily! The Witch is being awful kind to us today!”

Toxic smiled. They’d been driven from their home, been made the target of the zombie-like henchman of a corporation which ruled seemingly only to stifle the life out of humanity. But Kandy Kat, Kandy knew the Witch was being kind.

Bee knocked on the back window of the cab, behind Smiley’s head. He turned to her and raised his eyebrows in question.

“Where are we going!” She shouted so her words could seep through the clouded glass without getting lost in the wind.

"Ghost City; we’re going to the water!” Toxic shouted back. Her eyes widened in excitement. Going all the way down to the water was a rare pleasure for killjoys.

They laid in the bed of the truck, the wind whistling past as they drove along the crumbling remains of old roads. They were sleeping in shifts for the trek down to Ghost City. It was only a day’s drive, but none of them were well rested, running from particularly persistent Dracs. Alex had heard legends about Ghost City but it was so much more in person. The towering hollow remains of a metropolis. High rise buildings had collapsed in on themselves. Sea levels had risen so long ago and rusted the innards of anchored skyscrapers. The city glistened below sea level like the shadow of a civilization. Blue tinted windows sparkled in the clear water. It was like a dream. Water was a killjoy’s absent friend. Nothing teaches you to treasure something more than lack of it. They waded in the cool substance surrounding them.

“We’re going to Ghost City?” Kurily was incredulous.

“That we are!” Bee shouted back, ecstatic. She remembered traveling to Ghost City in a similar fashion. Bee wasn’t technically a member of any gang, but was loved by all and had a habit of floating around. She stayed with The Trophy Boys more often than not but got antsy when all they did was play cards. She had traveled down to Ghost City shortly before the boys. It was something young ‘joys would do as a chance to party for a while, but there’s nothing to eat that far from Batt City.

After many long hours with Stoic’s strong hands on the wheel, they made an abrupt stop. The limp body of a man laid not twenty feet ahead of them in the middle of the road.  
Vinny was the first out, running towards the body. He stopped short and fell to his knees. The rest were quick to follow.

Dead Man. His name seemed uncomfortably appropriate in that moment. Vinny cradled Dead Man’s head to his chest. He wasn't concerned with checking a heartbeat; he just wanted Dead Man close.  
Bee got there second; she was more level-headed in a crisis. She pressed her fingers to Dead Man’s neck. “He’s alive, but won’t be for long if we don’t get him some water soon.”  
Vinny ran his thumb over Dead Man’s cheek. They’d all congregated around him now; faces solemn, eyes full of hope.

“It's heat exhaustion at best. We need to get him to the water or he won’t make it.” Stoic’s words got them all moving. They made quick work of removing his clothes and pressing a wet rag to his forehead, but they couldn't spare much water to cool his body down if they wanted to drink, too. Stoic got back in the cab of the truck and drove as fast as he could west, nervously drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Kurily sat beside him, head in his hands. Dead Man laid under a blanket in the cab of the truck, Toxic frantically doing all he could. It took them an hour before they could see the beach on the horizon, but they got there.

They all blindly carried Dead Man’s limp body to the water until they all stood waist deep in the liquid. Dead Man’s body shuddered to life in the cool water. His breathing evened and they all let out a collective sigh of relief.

Before they left the city Alex would tell Rian about his time in Juvie and the people he’d met there. ‘Zack is strong and steady like a wire pulled taut’ he would say but more often he spoke of Matt. James Matthew Flyzik. “Matt’s smart, he’ll find a way. Matt’s strong, he’ll find a way. Matt knows me, he’ll find a way.” Rian would ask him to describe Matt but Alex would shrug. ‘He’s like nothing I can describe, he wants so very desperately to leave, he’s wasting his life planning it. He’s the only thing in his way.’ Alex would then tell the same story over and over again to illustrate his point.

Zack had his feet up on the desk in front of him and was chewing on a pen as if deep in thought but his mind was clearly wandering.

“What if we went under-” He began, only to be cut off.

“No. We can’t go under the city anymore. The sewers have grates now. Plus, thanks to some messy kids, they’re crawling with Dracs from dawn to dusk.” Matt’s answer was concise and informative. Alex chuckled.

“Thank goodness for Matt.” He patted him on the shoulder. “Keeping us alive another day.”

Matt just shook his head and Zack continued.

“Okay well, scratch that. Say we go above ground inste-” Zack was once again cut off.

“No, no, no, no. We can’t go above ground. It’s too exposed! We’ll all be slaughtered in a second. We can’t just saunter out. There’s no dark alley to duck into in this fluorescent town. Do you want us dead?”

Zack just sighed and returned to his thoughts.

Dead Man woke disoriented that night. He laid almost naked in smooth fine sand. It was dawn and he didn't remember falling asleep, let alone how he'd gotten here. He sat up, bleary-eyed, attempting to orient himself. Next to him was Toxic Valentine, an old friend, asleep with his mouth slightly opened. Beyond him was quite the ensemble of familiar faces. Dead Man smiled sadly at the thought of them all together again. He laid back down and returned to sleep.  
The Bee’s Knees was the first to wake. She stood up and stretched, arms above her head. The crisp sea air seemed to flow through her lungs. The sun was just beginning to rise on the horizon, illuminating the crystalline windows of the buildings within the reflective surface of the sea with a rosy glow. Mr. Smiley woke next, he playfully rested his head on Bee’s shoulder.  
“Get in.” Smiley encouraged her. “I know you want to.” He moved backward toward the truck, unbuttoning his jacket and shirt to join her in the water. Bee slipped off her shoes and balled her socks up inside of them. She undid her belt and took her headband off placing it in the bed of the truck with her other things. She beat Smiley to the water not having bothered to take off her shorts or shirt.

“Your clothes are going to get soaked!” Smiley yelled, with genuine concern, to her as she practically threw herself into the ocean.

“Good!” Bee laughed. “They haven’t been washed in years!”

Their shouting disturbed the remainder of their sleeping friends. Toxic Valentine made a big show of shaking all the sand out of his hair. Kandy Kat was quick to strip, joining the fun; Stoic Shock was not far behind and picked up Kandy, tossing him into the waves. Kandy came up sputtering, but with a huge grin on his face. Kandy attempted to get Stoic back by throwing his entire weight against him, to no avail. Vinny dragged Kurily in kicking and screaming but he adjusted quickly. Soon they were all just floating amiably, soaking the water deep into their bones. Dead Man looked around at his best friends all together, so happy and felt like he might cry. Toxic looked back at him from his spot on Smiley’s shoulders, gave him a big toothy smile, and was promptly knocked down into the water below by Bee on Stoic’s shoulders.

Vinny ran as fast as he could with the water constraining his legs and knocked Dead Man forward into the waves. Just like that everything was launched back into motion.


	3. III

The next day the eight all rinsed the sand off, put their clothes back on, and climbed into the truck. They drove back toward the wide expanse of desert they called home. Bee was first to hop off as she spotted a familiar face passing by. She gave the boys each a chaste hug and skipped off on another adventure.

Vinny and Kurily were off next, taking Dead Man along with them. They were rambling about some sort of cactus-based business they planned on starting. The four continued on their way back to The Riff. Toxic flopped down dramatically into the misshapen wad of blankets that was his and Smiley’s bed. Stoic and Kandy went out to buy some more gas for the truck. Stoic Shock drove quickly along the familiar roads while Kandy hummed softly in the passenger seat, his legs up on the dash. He wasn’t wearing his jacket and Stoic took note of his thin arms. When they arrived at the station there was a man leaning against the pump reading a magazine, wearing a simple hoodie and black jeans. As Stoic began to fill up the tank, Kandy Kat waltzed over.

“Would you look who it is.” He teased, pushing the magazine out of the man’s face with a single finger. “Man of my dreams.” He looked up at Kandy with a smile.

“Kandy Kat, I was worried ‘bout you!” He fooled with Kandy. “Hadn’t seen your pretty face around here in quite some time.”

Kandy giggled. “Oso, we’ve been missing you down at the Riff. It’s been a lifetime since you came to visit us and took your clothes off at an inappropriate time.” Stoic, who was still standing diligently at the pump behind them, snorted at this jab at Oso’s tendency to get naked, since Kandy was far more naked, far more frequently. Oso stood up straight, tucked the magazine into his back pocket, and addressed Stoic.

“Stoic, you’re looking as ripped as ever,” Oso said, placing a hand on Stoic’s chest. Stoic just shook his head and laughed.

“How about I come back with you two? I haven't got anything better to do.” With that, they were on their way back home.

Toxic was startled from his conversation with Smiley by Kandy’s voice.

“Put some clothes on, Oso’s with us!” He screamed and promptly entered with no time for response.  
“Maybe I would if Oso would keep his own damn clothes on,” Toxic retorted, but he was wearing far more than necessary. He and Smiley both stood to greet Oso.

“What have you guys been up to?” he asked, once they had all settled in.

“You'd never believe.” Toxic laughed breathily. “We picked up Kurily Fry, Vinny Vegas, and the Bee’s Knees while we were running from some dracs and decided to go down to Ghost City just like old times. Stoic there almost ran over our good friend Dead Man lying all dried up in the road so naturally, we picked him up too. I’d be lying if I tried to tell you each of us didn’t cry at least twice. It was just like old times.”

“Bawling your eyes out?”

“That, and the fact we were all there, violently flung together, but together. You should have been there.” For once Oso doesn't have a loud response. His silence is more telling than anything he could have said. He just smiles.

“I should have.” They drink the night away. Oso tells stories of his time rolling with some kids from zone three and how he got shot in the arm by a scarecrow and had to take him out with only his left arm and no backup because everyone else was dead on the floor. He had a big scar but would recover.

“I was supposed to die out there,” Oso said showing them the scar. They all went silent. Oso took a long drink.

By the time Toxic and Smiley were stumbling to their bed, Oso was passed out on the couch; Kandy and Stoic had long since gone to bed. Toxic laughed uncontrollably at something he had long forgotten; an equally, if not more, intoxicated Smiley swung him around and set him down on the edge of their bed. Toxic giggled leaning forward and, without warning, began to cry.

“What?”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Smiley giggled. “You’re so silly.”

“I’m not being silly,” Toxic said, wiping his eyes. He curled up beside Smiley, as he always did. Smiley fell asleep within minutes, but Toxic sat staring at the peeling paint on the ceiling for what seemed like hours before his heavy eyelids and the metronome of Smiley’s breathing lulled him to sleep.  
Kandy Kat woke in the middle of the night with Stoic Shock’s fingers in his mouth. He sat up, almost mechanically, his body sputtering to life.

“You taste like sand,” he complained. No one was listening. The wind whistled softly through The Riff. A soft orange glow emanated from somewhere outside the door. Kandy Kat leaned forward onto his hand and knees and poked his head cautiously through the doorway in order to see into the kitchen. What appeared to be a black cloaked figure stood perfectly still in the kitchen. Kandy drew his gun and stood slowly. He pointed his gun at the figure and spoke. “Who are you?”

She turned around slowly, revealing a bald human head with a long crooked bird beak protruding from where the mouth and nose should be. She had human eyes that were a pale purple and lacked pupils. Kandy realized she was not wearing a cloak at all but covered in dark feathers beginning at the base of the neck. The figure was about seven feet tall and seemed to have the body of a woman under all the feathers. She was holding Oso in her arms. He looked so small in the long spindly fingers of the figure. Kandy’s hands were shaking as he held his gun. Tendrils of the orange smoke that billowed from beneath her feathers snaked across the floor toward Kandy, but he took a step towards her.

“Who are you!” He repeated. His voice wavered with fear.

“You know me.” Her voice washed over Kandy Kat like an echo. He did know- she was everything he’d ever known. The Phoenix Witch, the deity he’d been raised to worship, stood before him with the body of his best friend in her arms. Kandy Kat felt his eyes well up with tears but he held the gun up to her, against everything he thought he believed in. He walked to her slowly.

“Please.” Kandy could feel her tight grip on his throat as the smoke wound it’s way up his body and around his neck. “We- We need him.” He lunged forward as a last ditch effort, but she was gone, taking Oso with her. Kandy scrambled forward to pick up Oso’s gun from the kitchen floor and hold it in his hands. Oso's words rang through his head.

“I was supposed to die out there.”

Kandy slid Oso's gun into his belt and slumped to the floor. When Mr. Smiley woke and stumbled into the kitchen, Kandy still sat there, eyes wide.

“Kandy? What are you doing up?” Smiley paused his memory of the night before came rushing back.

“Where’s Oso?”

Kandy breathed in real slow. “Oso’s gone. The Witch took him. I saw it myself, she was there. Just I used to draw her when I was little. She took him.”

Smiley just stood before him. “Toxic!” He called over his shoulder. “Wake Stoic and get out here.”

Jack was an outsider among the four. Alex, Rian, and Zack had all known each other long before their time in the zones but Jack was a sandpup. The desert was all he’d known. His parents were killjoys from the outskirts of Batt City. He was raised to respect the Phoenix and carried a gun from the day he turned six years old. He was the best shot of the gang purely from practice. He had met Alex and Rian first. They were wandering ripe and green, fresh from Batt City. They had nothing but were working for some old joys stacking boxes for less than a carbon an hour. Jack was in to buy some cloth for a new jacket. He remembered their first conversation vividly.

“Hey, you!” He called across the warehouse. Alex turned around.

“Yeah?”

“What’s your name?”

“Alex.”

“Alex? What kind of name is that?”

“Um. It’s actually pretty common.”

“Stop messing with me, what’s your name?”

“I just told you. Alex. What’s your name?”

“I’m Kandy Kat but you can call me Kandy.”

“See, that’s a weird name.”

“You’re new here right? You’ve gotta be with a job like this and a name like that.”

“Yeah what’s it to you.”

“Nothing. I just want to buy a box of red.”

“Red. Alright just give me a second.” He had come back with the box quickly. Clearly interested in Jack. “So how’d you get the name, Kandy Kat?”

“It’s my name. What do you mean where did I get it?”

“I mean that can’t be your real name. Right?”

“It’s been my name for as long as I can remember. My mom would call me Jack when I was little cuz’ I looked like her brother and they couldn’t very well give me a name like a grown ‘joy if I was just a baby.”

“So you were born out here?”

“Yeah. Sandpup born and raised.”

“That must be cool.”

“I guess. I don’t know what it feels like to be hydrated if that’s worth anything.” Alex’s laughter drew Rian out from behind the boxes he was sorting. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, that’s Rian.”

“Damn, does nobody have a proper name around here?”

Rian looked confused. “Proper name? I like my name just fine.”

“Come on you two you’ve got to have real desert names.” Kandy thought for a second. “Do you have nicknames for each other? Just joking things.” Alex was quick to reply.

“Yeah, I call Ri Mr. Smiley because of his stupid perfect teeth.” Alex teased pulling on Rian’s cheek.

“That works. That works, it's simple, cute.” Jack nodded. “Now next time somebody asks your name you say Mr. Smiley and you’ve cut your chances of getting stabbed in half.” Jack slid a few carbons onto the counter and took his box of red cloth. “See you in the afterlife,” he added with a mock salute.

Alex straightened his back and laughed breathily.

“Mr. Smiley.”

“I guess? Who was that guy?” Rian shook his head but smiled and shrugged.

“I have no idea but he’s my hero.”

The Trophy Boys sat on the floor of their kitchen together for the first time in years. Kandy had all eyes on him. “I swear it! I swear it was her!”

Stoic placed a hand on his shoulder, but it was Toxic who spoke. “We believe you, Kandy.” He said softly. “We would never doubt you.”

“I just don’t know.” Kandy smiled sadly. “Why didn’t she take him then? When he was supposed to go. Why did I have to see?”

“I don’t know, Kandy. I don’t know.”  
Kandy then stood up and took a deep breath. “Well, no use crying over spilled milk.”

“I- I don’t think Oso dying really applies to that saying.” They all stood. Toxic, Stoic, and Smiley seemed to agree without words that Kandy was to be handled very carefully.  
The next few days were spent mostly sleeping. Kandy would stay curled up to Stoic’s side from six in the evening until three in the afternoon. He was only ever active in the afternoon and even then he would just eat a few things and listen to the radio.

Toxic Valentine didn’t really mind it. He liked the resting. He would sit on the couch next to Kandy with his legs tucked into one of Smiley’s sweaters and listen to the radio with him. They would tend to the small garden behind the Riff and cook together.

Stoic somehow managed to be even more silent, as if anything he said would send Kandy spiraling. Toxic did not appreciate this and made a point to speak to Kandy as he always would, if perhaps in a lower tone.

Mr. Smiley began what Toxic had dubbed “stress cleaning”. He would just push furniture around and sweep the same room three times, anything to keep him occupied. Toxic used to try to get him to do other things or sit with him speaking idly, but he learned by now that Smiley would do what he would until he was done.


	4. IV

They kept to themselves for nearly three weeks until The Bee’s Knees showed up at their door with a tin of cornbread.

“Happy Harvest to my favorite boys!” She bounced in.

“Hello, Bee.” Toxic smiled at her from where he sat playing mancala with Kandy.

“Hello! Where are your more sensible counterparts?” She teased.

“Stoic went out earlier to buy some cloth, he wants to make new curtains for the windows in his room. I don’t know where Smiley is, I haven’t spoken to him in the past few days.”  
Bee frowned at this and sat her cornbread down on the counter. “I’ll go find him.” She said as if to reassure Toxic and Kandy.

Mr. Smiley sat outside in the garden. The Bee’s Knees approached him cautiously, assuming that he must be very angry about something if he and Toxic weren’t speaking.

“Hey.” Bee said, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder as if to ask if she could sit down.

“Hi, Bee!” Smiley grinned personably and gestured to the concrete beside him. “Do take a seat.”  
Bee furrowed her eyebrows in confusion but sat down.

“What?”

“Toxic told me you weren't talking, so I guess I assumed you were really angry about something.” Smiley thought for a second.

“No. I mean I guess we aren’t. I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“I saw you sold the couch. Where is he sleeping?”

“In our bed.”

“Where are you sleeping?”

“In our bed.”

“But you're not speaking to each other?”

“We aren't doing it on purpose.”

“What? You aren't doing it on purpose? How can you just accidentally not speak to someone you live in the same house as? You share a room. Last time I was here you were talking about getting married. How in the world do you manage that?”

“I don't know. He's just doing other things, I guess.”

“Smiley. Please. He’s sitting in the living room playing mancala. What's going on here? I know it’s more than you're letting on.”

“It's- it's just so much.” Bee smiled sadly.

“You tell me when you want to, okay? But you two need to talk.”

“Thank you, Bee.”

“It’s my pleasure.” With that Bee stood up and dusted off her shorts. She went inside and found Toxic sitting where she’d left him, about to start a new game of mancala. “Toxic, do yourself a favor and go talk to Smiley. I’ll beat Kandy in mancala for you.” She winked.

“Don’t get cocky, little miss sunshine; my agenda for the last week has been eat, sleep, mancala.” Kandy retorted as Toxic stood to go outside. Smiley was sat on the concrete path that surrounded the perimeter of The Riff.

“Oh babe, you’re sat right in the sun,” was the first thing out of Toxic’s mouth, but he immediately regretted it. Bee obviously seemed to think something was very wrong between them, and Toxic trusted Bee with his life.

“No, it’s actually kind of nice.” Smiley’s words reassured Toxic a bit, and he sat down beside him.

“Warms you up,” Toxic commented, his head resting on Smiley’s shoulder. “How are you?”

“Good.”

Toxic squirmed to look Smiley in the eye.

Smiley sighed, knowing he wouldn’t be going anywhere until he gave in. “There’s just so much going on right now.”

“Nothing’s going on right now. We’ve been beyond idle for the last few weeks. I was so sure we were going to do so much stuff together. Stoic is practically spoon feeding Kandy. There’s no point in me sitting around with him except I have nothing better to do because you’ve just seemed to gravitate away from me lately, which is extra weird because it’s winter, and that’s usually when you’re most clingy.”

“Oh,” was all Smiley could manage.

“I’m sorry.” Toxic seemed genuinely apologetic but Smiley watched as the next thought came to him and right out of his mouth. “I know you’re taking this hard too and I shouldn’t expect you to sweep me off my feet so soon after what happened but I feel like I need at least a little escape from this whole deal. I know that you aren’t obligated to do anything for me and I’m just being whiny.” Toxic stood up. “Wow. I am so sorry.”

“Hey.” Smiley called as Toxic began opening the door.

“What?” Toxic asked tiredly, almost sarcastic. Smiley kissed him soft and slow. Toxic laughed closing the door to face Smiley.

“You don’t have to do this you know.” Smiley moved Toxic against the dark stucco wall of The Riff.

“I know.” Toxic feigned a swoon batting his eyelashes.

“You’re ridiculous.” Toxic kissed him this time.

Bee won at mancala.

Stoic came home later that night to find them all sitting around the radio. They all laid on the floor huddled together in the hushed chill of desert air. Stoic shut the door quietly behind him and lowered himself alongside them. Kandy shifted to share the blanket he was holding but no one said a word, all listening intently to the smooth, powerful voice seeping out of the radio.  
Bee had, as she always does, brought them together again. She untangled herself from the mess and retrieved what she had left on the counter. “Cornbread anyone?”

They all laughed. Toxic and Smiley went to bed that night pleasantly aware of each other’s feelings. Bee crawled into bed between Toxic and Smiley who were talking softly.

“One of you two better spit out what’s going on here. I leave for one second and you all fall apart.”

“Bee, it’s not your job to take care of us. You don’t exist to help us. Don’t say things like that.” She glared at him.

“Gee. Sorry I care about my family.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” She turned to Smiley. “Are you going to tell me what’s up?” Smiley sighed.

“About a month ago Kandy and Stoic went down to the gas station. While they were there they ran into Oso. You know him?” Bee nodded.

“That I do.”

“Kandy invited him over ‘cause we hadn’t seen him in a while. Then that night he died.”

“What?”

“He told us this story about how he fought some dracs off with his gang but they all were killed. He got shot in the arm but survived. He said he felt like he should have died there.” Smiley paused, collecting himself. “That night, Kandy woke up cause he heard something. It was the Witch. She was taking Oso and he saw her. He saw her drag his friend to the spirit world, and just sat there, helpless. He blames himself now but there was nothing he could have done.”

Bee let out a long breath.

“The poor thing.” Toxic hummed in agreement. “No wonder you’re acting like this. I’m really sorry if I pressured you into doing things you weren’t ready for.”

“No, thank you, really. We were honestly making it worse for all of us.”

Bee rolled over onto her stomach burying her face into her arms and slept. Toxic chuckled softly to himself at the sight of it.

When Smiley woke the next morning he and Toxic were alone in their bed but he had the words “See you soon” written on his arm.


	5. V

Bee woke up extra early and was careful not to wake Smiley as she wrote neatly on his arm just to reassure him she was fine. She straightened her clothes and walked right out the front door. She squinted at the rising sun on the horizon and got on her bicycle riding west. Most joys opted for the convenience a car provided, but cars were expensive so only groups could ever afford them. A lone killjoy with a car was very rare. The Bee’s Knees didn’t mind having her bicycle it was cute and she got a lot of exercise. If she ever needed to go anywhere really far, The Trophy Boys would let her borrow their car or she could convince somebody else to drive her, but that didn’t happen very often. Bee knew she really belonged alongside the Trophy Boys, and whenever she was around they would drop hints about her staying with them and make jokes about becoming The Trophy People for her.  
Bee was restless. She didn’t like the thought of committing to stay with them. Not because she didn’t trust them; she just worried she’d mess it up. Their dynamic was in perfect balance. Bee didn’t want to throw herself in and mess it up. So, Bee left them with nothing but a note on Smiley’s arm and set out on her way. About 15 minutes west she spotted a figure in the distance. Upon further inspection it was the familiar outline of one Vinny Vegas; he was staggering drunk with a wide goofy smile, he gave a mock salute.

“Well if ain’t my favorite girl The Bee’s Knees.”

Bee came rolling to a halt in front of him and put her foot down. “Am I really your favorite girl?” She teased.

“You’re the only girl I know.” She laughed breathily.

“All too true, Vinny. What are you doing out here all by yourself? There’s nothing for the next mile. Aren’t you staying in zone four with Kurily and Dead Man?”

“That I am.” Vinny slurred.

Bee waited for him to continue but he didn’t. “So what are you doing out here?”

“Oh just some stuff for Kurily”

“Where is Kurily?”

“Back in zone four. He’s looking to find a house you know.” Vinny took a drink from the bottle he was holding. “Sent me out here to find Oso. He’s got the groundwater tables. Can’t have a house without a well out in those parts.”

“Groundwater tables? Oso kept groundwater tables?”

“Yep. If you want to know the best place to settle down, he’s your guy.”

“Was your guy.”

“He doesn’t have the groundwater tables anymore?”

“No, Vin. Not that.”

Vinny looked into Bee’s eyes more coherently than she’d ever seen him sober. He looked straight at her as if he could get the whole story that way. Vinny took another swig. “Really?”

“It hurts to say.”

“Well. I suppose that’s just how it goes out here. Isn’t it?”

Bee nodded, looking down at her feet.

“Do you know where he was staying? I still need those tables.”

Bee hopped onto her bike and Vinny grasped her shoulders, perched behind her on the pegs. Bee went back the way she’d come.

In fifteen minutes they had arrived back at the Riff where Bee and Vinny found Stoic sitting out front, carving something out of wood.

“Hey, Stoic!”

“Hey, Vin.”

“Do you know where Oso was staying?” Stoic frowned.

“Sure I do. Just down that way about a mile and a half in the cleared out gas station store with some kid called Jettison.”

“Thanks, Stoic!” They were off again and in 20 minutes they had reached their destination. An old gas station with a store whose sign was supposed to read “Food 4 You” But the 4 had been taken so it simply stated “Food You.” Bee left her bike by the door and enter with Vinny close behind.

“Hello?” Bee called cautiously, but no one answered. She walked further towards a counter covered in papers. “Is this what you’re looking for?” She asked, holding up a large map for Vinny to see.

“No. That’s topography.”

Bee set it back down and sifted through the remaining maps until she came across what she was looking for.

“Found it!” Vinny was busy looking at the seemingly endless array of geographical information Oso had collected over the years.

“I remember this,” Bee picked up one map. “He made me get out of the car every mile and hold a thermometer on a stick out for 15 minutes every day for a month to get this thing about average temperature.”

“Would it be wrong to take these?” Vinny asked, running a hand along a map.

“Of course not. He wouldn’t want all this research to rot in here. He worked hard for this.”

Vinny nodded in agreement. He started folding all the maps neatly. By the time they were done they had a considerably sized bundle tied together. They manage to stuff it in a backpack and ride back to the riff.

“It wasn’t going to work you know,” Bee says a few minutes into the trip.

“What?”

“His experiment.”

“Which one?”

“Average temperature. He had me holding the thermometer in my hand so we kept getting the same thing.” Her tone was almost wistful. “We tried all sorts of complicated things before I suggested tying it to a stick. I was so proud.” Vinny laughs.

“It's a shame.”

When they arrived back at The Riff, Stoic was still sitting outside where they had last seen him.

“Stoic!” He looked up at Bee and Vinny. Vinny held up the maps in triumph. “We got them!”

“What?”

“Kurily wants to settle down right?”

“Okay.”

“So we knew Oso keeps groundwater tables and if we want a house we want a well cause everybody's gotta drink right?”

“Right.”

“So I came out here to get the tables from Oso, but I got wasted for some reason, I can’t remember now, and Bee here just happened across me on her outing and told me Oso went and died on us. I still needed the groundwater tables right, cause Kurily doesn’t know Oso’s dead and he still wants to settle down, so we came by to ask you where he was staying before he died, so I got the tables and the rest of his maps and now we’re here.”

“You are.”

“We are,” Bee added. Stoic laughed a rare but lovely sound. The three ventured inside to find Toxic asleep on Smiley, who was still managing to participate in a game of cards with Kandy. Toxic woke suddenly to Vinny’s excitement.

“Lookie!” Vinny held the maps up above his head. “Oso’s maps!” Toxic rubbed his eyes, hastily clearing his vision.

“Hm?”

“Oso’s maps! He did all sorts of research to make these and we got them,” Vinny clarified spreading one out onto the table. He ran his hand toward opposite corners of the map to smooth the creases left in the paper from constant use. They sat around the table examining the maps.

“This must have taken him a lifetime,” Smiley said, awestruck by the detailed cartography.

“Believe me, it did.” Bee agreed, her feet on the table. Their tones were joking but the underlying feeling of dread lingered. The normalization of the situation seemed to comfort Kandy. He was slowly coming to terms with what had happened. Stoic still sat uncomfortably close to Kandy as if to protect him, except this time Kandy noticed and Toxic watched him from across the table like Kandy was breaking from a trance.

“I know you’re cute but damn, your body heat is not appreciated right now.” Kandy playfully shoved Stoic’s knees away.

Stoic looked at him like Kandy had given him the world. Kandy laughed at Stoic’s awestruck expression and ruffled Stoic’s hair.

Bee noticed them returning to normal, just as Toxic did, and smiled across the table at him. He took Smiley’s hand in his and they all sat silently admiring the now lost artistry poured into Oso’s maps. Smiley looked at Toxic Valentine as if to say ‘look what incredible people we know.’

Vinny spoke first. “Well. I came out here for a reason. Kurily’s probably worried about me.” He rolled up a few maps and tucked them into his bag.

“You gonna walk back?” Vinny nodded. “All the way to zone four?”

“Well I got here, didn’t I?”

“We’ll drive you, Vin. It’ll be nice to see Kurily and Dead Man again.” Smiley butts in. Vinny tried to discourage them but gave in fast. “How is Dead Man anyway?”

Vinny shrugged. “Alright. He’s still pretty weak. Topples over a lot. That’s a big part of Kurily wanting a house. We’re just wandering now, and it isn’t good for Dead Man. He needs to rest.”

With that, Toxic Valentine, Mr. Smiley, The Bee’s Knees and Vinny Vegas piled into the truck. Bee drove, any complaints to why she should get to drive a car that wasn’t hers were quickly shushed, Vinny sat beside her. Toxic and Smiley had been banished to the back of their own car and were very vocal about their distaste for the situation.

Stoic and Kandy remained home to watch over the Riff. Smiley had repaired most of the damage from the Dracs’ heavy-handed rifling through the place but a few things were left to be done and Stoic was happy to have an excuse to be alone with Kandy, even it was dangerous. They were also in charge of figuring out what had happened to Jettison after Oso had died.


	6. VI

Kurily stood out on the balcony of a run down motel in zone four when they arrived.

“I swear on the witch, Vinny Vegas, you’re lucky I owed you a life debt because you cannot complete the simplest of tasks.”

Vinny held the maps up for Kurily to see. “I got them!”

“He owed you a life debt?” Bee asked, unconvinced, from beside Vinny.

“Yeah I just asked him to stick around ‘cause I like his company.”

“That’s… romantic? But not at all how a life debt works.”

“Well, he’s still here.” Vinny just shrugged.

“He sure is.” They made their way inside and upstairs to where Kurily waited. He pretended to be frustrated by Vinny but was obviously proud. Dead Man lay on top of the covers of a bed breathing heavily but asleep. His jacket hung on a bedpost, and his ribs poked through a tank top.  
Toxic sat beside him as Kurily and Vinny analyzed the map. Dead Man’s skin was dry in the humidity when Toxic placed a hand on his shoulder. Dead Man shivered and whined, writhing around. Toxic initially drew his hand away but placed it back on his chest as if to gently guide Dead Man back into his body. He woke up gasping for breath but smiled up at Toxic beside him as if nothing was amiss.

“Hello!” Toxic just stared down at him. “What brings you all here?” Dead Man seemed determined not to address the problem at hand. Toxic regained his senses, if more slowly than he is used to, quickly.

“Dead Man. I’m so sorry.”

“What?”

“Oso. He’s gone.” Dead Man doesn’t say a word, he just lays back down and stares up at the ceiling but the move disturbs him and coughs course through his body. Toxic props him up with caution. His voice is raspy when he finally speaks.

“How?”

Toxic looks back at Smiley who shakes his head. “Killed by a gang of dracs.”

Dead Man sighs, coughing again, and closes his eyes.

That night they sat drinking around a small table in the motel room. Kurily was still pouring over the map. He’d narrowed it down to two locations. Vinny was partial to a large country house in zone 6, while Kurily liked a gutted suburban apartment complex in zone 5. They had argued for the better half of an hour when Dead Man stood and walked to them. He picked up Kurily’s untouched drink and downed it in one go.

“I like Vinny’s house.”

Kurily looked at him doubly surprised. After a period of silence, he pulled himself together. “I guess majority rules.”

Vinny silently celebrated behind Kurily’s back.

“But we are not calling it Vinny’s house.”

Laughter filled the room with a warm glow. Soon the map was rolled up and they were all scrambling over the furniture as Vinny blindly grabbed at Kurily while he hopped between the two beds and onto the table.

Kandy was on the third coat of paint on the walls of the kitchen and he wanted to scream. Smiley had very obviously left him and Stoic alone in hopes of them having some fun, but Stoic really didn’t get the hint. Stoic was outside building a shelf, emotionless. Kandy set the roller down into its tray and leaned up against the counter and just watched him working outside. Stoic was never much of a talker, but it was getting kind of ridiculous. Kandy stepped away from the window and finished the room. He replaced his paint stained shirt and walked outside. Stoic was finished with the shelf and was just sanding down the edges.

“I’m going to go down to the gas station to see if Jettison is there, or if I can find anything that might tell us where he is.”

Stoic smiled at him “Alright.”

Kandy considered kissing him there but settles for a high five. Stoic raised his eyebrows at the gesture but goes along with it. Kandy arrived at the station a few minutes later. He stopped his bike on the side of the building and enters. It was obvious somebody was there recently; a candle burnt low on a counter beside a half deflated air mattress. Kandy spent some time sifting through magazines before he noticed a flyer that sits on the counter. It was a deep blue with green accents and read “Martyrdom with special guests Rollercoaster. January 21st at the Dune Dome”. Kandy got back on the bike but hesitated, thinking of Stoic back at home. He headed east towards the Dune Dome. Kandy didn’t know how he would manage to find a man he didn’t know except for by name at a concert, but he knew he needed a break. By the time he reached the place the sun was just beginning to go down and the first act makes their way onstage. Kandy slid onto a barstool next to a girl wearing a worn dress. She nodded in acknowledgment but didn’t speak to him. Kandy ordered a round of shots for himself and downed them all quickly before entering the mass of people. He swayed for a few minutes before the girl from the bar and a man in a jean jacket jostled past him. Kandy could have sworn he knew the man and wracks his brain for any thought of him before he recalled a picture sitting beside the pile of books on Oso’s desk. Kandy moved forward following the path the two had taken. He reached out and grabbed the upper arm of the man but the girl pushed him behind her.

“Do you know Jettison?” Kandy screamed over the music.

“Who’s asking?” The girl narrowed her eyes.

“Me.”

“Why?”

“One of my best friends, Oso, he lived with Jettison before he died. We’re just trying to find Jettison to let him know what happened and figure out what to do with his things.”

The girl softened and gestured to the man behind her. “He’s Jettison.”

Kandy offered his hand and Jettison shook it. “Let’s get out of here.”

They moved outside. In the cool air of the desert night Kandy was hit by just how drunk he really was. Jettison leans up against the wall, it’s vibrating along with the bass drum inside. The girl stands beside him almost defensively.

“Who are you?” Kandy asks.

“The Main Event.” She’s smug and Kandy suspects she not exaggerating. “I own this place. I book, plan, and throw every event here.” Kandy looked her up and down.

“No blaster. You don’t believe in violence, honey?” She grinned up at him like that was exactly what she knew he would say.

“Oh no, I like to tear ‘em apart with my bare hands.” Kandy nodded, impressed.

“To each their own. Anyway, Oso. He was a good friend of mine. Lived with me for a while before I joined the Trophy Boys.”

“Wait you’re a Trophy Boy? I saw you guys when I was just a little kid.”

“You’re a sandpup?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say so!” Kandy laughed, hugging him. “You hardly ever meet any our age they’re all kids.” Sensing the situation was diffused, The Main Event went back inside.

“So Oso’s really gone?”

Kandy hung his head. “Yeah. It kills me to say so but I saw it with my own two eyes.”

Jettison frowned, and Kandy continued. “He was with this other gang, to this day I don’t know who, they were caught by some Dracs doing something in Zone 3. They were dropping quick and he was the only one left. They got him in the arm but he got out alive. He said it himself, he should have died. A few nights later he was staying at my place with the boys. I woke up and there in my kitchen, I swear on the bits of soul I have left, was the Witch. Just as I used to draw her when I was a kid. She had snatched him up. I tried to get him, I did, but there’s no beating a god. She was gone, took her with him.” Kandy pulled Oso’s gun out of his belt. “This is all he left behind. Well, this and all the stuff in your house. My friends Bee and Vinny stopped by two days ago and got his maps.”

“That’s a relief, I was so bummed somebody had taken them.”

“They’re out in zone 4, with people who appreciate them.”

The Main Event came back out with drinks for Jettison and Kandy. She smiled at Kandy. “It was real nice of you to come down and do this for him.”

“It’s no problem, I should be heading home though.”

The Main Event held the drink toward him. “Stay a while.” He did. Stayed for hours, downed more drinks and his hands fumbled with the lock by the time he got back to his bike. He put all his energy into not swerving off road and managed to make it home. Kandy Kat was practically delirious as he walked through the door. The radio played softly and Stoic Shock sat silently in his room but Kandy was loud as ever.

“Stoic!” Kandy called, practically skipping to where Stoic lay. Kandy crawled all over him earning a few annoyed grunts but Kandy was unphased. “How are you?”

“Pretty good.”

Kandy wasn’t anywhere near satisfied with his answer. Obviously antsy, he traced patterns into the fabric of Stoic’s shirt. Attempting to kick his shoes off without hands was proving more difficult than he anticipated. He whined until Stoic got up and untied them for him. Kandy rolled around telling Stoic all about his night out, how he’d met a boy just like him and a girl who was almost as cool as Bee. He would sit up and exclaim things erratically, excited by the most bizarre things and it reminded Stoic of a night they’d had a few years back when Oso had been over. He’d said every time Toxic looked at Smiley and Smiley just happened to also be staring at Toxic, they had to take a drink. This was a terrible idea and by the end of the hour, both of them were a writhing mess. Kandy had sat in Oso's lap talking purposefully but without substance. As Stoic looked up at him now his expression was the same as that night, but his eyes lacked the bright hopeful quality they had all those years ago. Stoic had been complacent, too timid to do anything, but so very aware of Kandy’s slow steady fade. Kandy hated him for it.

Kandy knew Stoic saw what was happening to him and he just sat and waited for him to make a move.

Kandy and Oso had a long history; they were inseparable from birth. Kandy loved Oso, in every way you could love someone. Oso and he were practically the same people. They were both 'joys born in the zones and by nine they were off on their own, they felt unstoppable together. Oso alway knew exactly what to do, he was loud and crude, everything Kandy needed until he didn't. When you’re with the same person for your entire life you kind of feel like you’re missing out. Kandy and Oso would both go off for months meeting all sort of characters but would always come home. Until Kandy went out for fabric and met two boys who were so in love he couldn’t stand it.

“I hate you.” Stoic is jolted from his memories by Kandy’s words. “I hate you so much.”

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I really don’t.”

“You know I only ended up joining you guys because I met Smiley and Toxic selling fabric.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“But I came back there because I was jealous of them. They were so in love, they are still so in love and I wanted that, I wanted it so bad but I couldn’t bear to stay with anyone but Oso because what if I was wrong? What if I didn’t love them?” He was still now, his drunk demeanor stayed but it had evolved, he wasn’t giggly or silly, he was gushing.

“I watched them play together and it was incredible, I wanted to be around them constantly just to get another chance to hear that music. When you came along, I knew for sure you were here to stay. You had the same energy they did. I felt like I knew you even though I was the only one who didn’t.”  
Kandy shrugged. “Pretty wild right? Well I’m tired, can I stay here?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

Kandy smiled and wiggled under the blankets. “I love you.”

Kandy’s head was pounding when he woke up. Stoic snored softly beside him, something he would have appreciated if he could feel his face. He stumbled into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. He didn’t remember anything beyond The Main Event handing him a drink. This was undeniably a bad sign. He woke up in Stoic’s bed, with Stoic in it. Kandy’s mind jumped to conclusions that were immediately disproven by the fact he woke up in his jeans. He was admittedly disappointed but mostly relieved.

\---This flashback has heavily implied rape in it so skip to the end of this section if you’re not down. Just know Matt helped Alex through a really hard time without even really knowing what was going on.---

The second week Alex spent in the zones was his worst. Every inch of his skin was burnt and the night before he had thrown up everything in him. He wandered into a club, desperate, mostly for a glass of water. When a woman about fifteen years his senior offered to buy him a drink he didn't think much of it and accepted. What must of have been a few minutes later he was dizzy, a few minutes after that, he felt like his body was full of gravel laying limply in the backseat of the woman's car. He gazed blankly up at her hovering over him willing himself to move. His efforts were fruitless and her hands fiddled with his belt buckle as his vision went black.

He opened up his eyes the next day in a different car under a tattered Mickey Mouse blanket but he still couldn't move. Matt Flyzik is humming softly in the front seat, his fingers drum frantically against the steering wheel. He looked nervous as he put the car in park and pulled Alex out carefully. He carried Alex gently through a dilapidated apartment complex until he reached a fire escape. He set Alex down to pull the ladder, and stood there, contemplating how to pull his up. He knelt in front of Alex looking into his seemingly blank eyes.

“I need your help,” Matt whispers to Alex picking him up. Alex helps in the only way he can, wrapping his arms around Matt’s neck. Matt cautiously climbed the ladder and when they finally reached the window of the small apartment where Matt lived Alex felt like he had walked around the world and back.

Alex slept in Matt’s bed for what felt like thousands of years, he drifted in and out of consciousness. When he woke up the night is still fresh in his mind and Alex wanted to die right there. To free himself. Everywhere he looked something reminded him of it. He felt like she’d burned handprints into his skin beneath his clothes. Matt would lay next to him telling Alex about what had happened since he left him at the Riff. He had walked for a day before he came across a store. The owner was aging man looking to take on the help of a younger accomplice. Matt did his best to impress the man. Taking on a killjoy name, Dead Man and volunteering to work for free the first month so the man could judge his ethic with no negative repercussions. Alex smiled at that. Matt, Dead Man, making his own way. He went out sometimes but left a note on the bedside table every time. Alex knew he should get up to help, or thank Matt at the very least but Matt would undoubtedly ask him about what had happened. Alex didn’t think he would ever be ready for that conversation. When Alex finally got up Matt was waiting for him with a mug of mild tea.

“Dude, you’ve got a stove that works,” was all Alex could think to say. Matt laughed and Alex let himself breathe. I am fine. This is fine. We’re fine.

“Yeah, I can turn the gas on but I have to light it myself.”

“Sweet.”

“Bro, are you okay? I found you passed out on the side of the road with your shirt on inside out.” At this Alex goes back to not breathing. I am not fine. This isn’t fine. We aren’t fine. Every ounce of his conscience is screaming at him to just tell Matt.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” At the thought of it, Alex took another sip of tea but his mouth still tasted like her, so he did what made sense to him; he reached out and kissed Matt, hard. Matt caught on quick, leaning in. Matt’s snakebites were cold on Alex’s mouth and he tried to distract himself with the texture of their smooth metal surface. Matt pushed him toward the wall and he shuffled along. Matt paused.  
“You smell like a girl.” Matt’s tone was teasing but Alex didn’t have an answer to match. You’ll never live this down, she’s left a film of grime all over you. No one wants that.

“I don’t want to.” Alex’s tone was almost wistful. Matt sets him down at this and Alex slumps against the wall sliding to the floor.

“Are you okay? What happened to you?” Matt kneels in front of his placing a steady hand on Alex’s shoulder. His face was twisted in concern and Alex hated to worry people.

“Kiss me.”

“No.”

“Just kiss me.” Matt looked at Alex. Trying desperately to figure out what he should do. Alex's eyes are red, not red like he's been crying but red like he'd been high. Matt also knew there was no way Alex had been high of his own accord. Weed made him paranoid and he was far too poor to buy anything more than that. Behind that film of red, Alex was undeniably desperate and so Matt did kiss him. Alex woke up next to Matt, aching. Not in a cute, sexy way, like he’d lost a fight. In a way he had. Alex stayed with Matt for three more days before awkwardly shaking his hand and continuing on his way.

\---Okay, we're done with that---

Dead Man tried to cough, but no air would enter or exit his lungs, he just lay motionless. Toxic was just a few feet to his left and he wanted to cry out, to scream, but he couldn’t make a sound. His throat tightened as his lungs begged more desperately for air, but he couldn’t command himself to inhale. His eyes welled up with tears, panic coursing through his veins. He felt like he was tied to the bed. Kurily was mere inches away from him. Crying for help was a lost cause but he screamed. Dead Man screamed his heart out. To Toxic, who was asleep right beside him and yet so far away. He admitted one of the few secrets he ever kept. He saw that woman lead Toxic out of the bar that night, he didn’t think anything was wrong but when he found Toxic on the side of the road there was no doubt in his mind what had happened. It ate away at him. What if he had just said hello? The thought infected his brain one last time and like the thousands before it too was left unsatisfied.  
Toxic was woken by a beam of sunlight on his face. He blinked sleepily and stood frowning at Dead Man who was looking even more pale and sickly. Toxic traced his fingers across his face. Toxic knew shallow breathing was a symptom of the heat stroke but Dead Man wasn’t breathing at all. Toxic panicked, shaking him, desperately searching for a pulse.

“Dead Man.” He whispered. “Are you there? Come on. Please Dead Man.” He was speaking at normal volume now and the others began to stir. “Matt. Matt! MATT!” Toxic grabbed his shoulders, willing him to be there, but it was no use. Everyone stood around him and when Toxic turned to face him, tears ran down his face. Bee rolled the sheets off the bed and around him.

“Let’s go.” They do. Kurily drives with Vinny by his side navigating toward their new home. Trunks of things are piled in the back and Toxic wedges himself between things to think. The life expectancy of a killjoy wasn’t very long, but it seemed so soon. Dead Man was the careful one. If he was gone Toxic was more in danger than he knew. Dead Man’s body lays wrapped in the white sheet like a child’s Halloween ghost costume. It was morbid but fitting.


	7. VII

Toxic felt bad for Vinny and Kurily. They had a fresh start, a brand new home ready to be filled with memories and their first was the loss of a friend. It put a damper on not only the occasion but the house itself. Kurily and Vinny seemed ready to forge on; they had smiles on their faces, they were always better than him at not dwelling on the past. They didn't, they buried him, giving his blaster to Toxic and his jacket to take to the mailbox.

Toxic and Smiley entered the Riff to find Kandy knelt over the toilet, violently expelling the contents of his stomach. Stoic was sat beside Kandy with a hand on his back.

“Oh, you poor thing.” Toxic set Dead Man's blaster down on the dresser. Stoic frowned.

“He must have downed a lot cause he can hold his liquor.”

“I know.” Toxic chuckled.

“I can't even remember.” Kandy lamented.

“That’s a pretty good indication.” Toxic commented shrugging off his jacket. “We’ve got some things to tell you two. You want bad or good news first?”

“Good?”

“That’s an unpopular opinion, but fine by me. Vinny and Kurily moved into their new house and it’s only about an hour from here.” Kandy nodded.

“Sweet.”

“But Dead Man is dead.”

Kandy looked up at Toxic. “What the hell man?”

“You heard me.”

“I know I did. How can you be so nonchalant about it?”

“I can’t do anything to soften the blow.”

“You could have at least tried.”

“Believe it or not, I’m not in the mood for trying right now.”

“Well, being an asshole must come really easily to you.”

“You think this isn’t tearing me to pieces? Because I can assure you, it is. I’m devastated.”

“You sure don’t act like it.”

Toxic snatched his jacket and stalked off to his room.

Smiley raised his eyebrows at Kandy. “What the hell was that? You know how he gets about Dead Man.”

“Yeah I do, and I’m sick of his moping about their ‘connection’ he acts like cause they fucked like twice a million years ago he’s the leading source of all Dead Man based information and can’t be disputed.”

Smiley shakes his head. “Listen I get what you’re saying but there are some things you don’t know about Toxic. Trust me when I say he really cared about Dead Man. Give him a break.”

“You know I hate secrets. He’s my best friend, I tell him everything.”

“Really? I can think of one really big thing you’ve been hiding for almost as long as he’s been holding out on this.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Just because he’s oblivious doesn’t mean I am, Kandy.”

“You think I’m in love with Toxic?”

“No! Where the hell did you get that from?”

Stoic, who had been listening silently from beside Kandy, spoke up. “What are you talking about?”  
Smiley gave Stoic soft smile. “Why don’t you ask him?” He gestured to Kandy. Kandy narrowed his eyes at Smiley. Smiley just shrugged and went after Toxic. He was sitting on the ground.

“What does he want me to do? Spill my guts? I shouldn’t have to prove I’m sad.”

“You know he doesn’t mean it.”

“I do, you know I do, I just wish he did.” Smiley sat with him. “Why does this have to happen to us?” His eyes were glistening as he looked up at Smiley.

“We live in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. It’s standard.”

“I wish we didn’t have to. I wish we could live in a real house and have a real family and get married and have running water and I wish I didn’t have to carry a gun.”

“We do have a real family, Toxic. Don’t go on about that.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, but I don’t appreciate that sentiment. We wouldn’t be here and, I mean like emotionally here if it weren’t for this shit world.”

Toxic laughed and kissed Smiley. “As always. You’re right.” Toxic rested his head in his hands. “I’m just so vulnerable right and he knows that.”

“He’s hurting too. Knowing that there is something you're keeping from him isn’t helping that.”

“I’m not going to tell him.”

“I know you aren’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You know I love the guy but this isn’t exactly something I want to tell him. You know he’d look at me differently.”

Smiley laid down and Toxic followed suit playing with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t think you give him enough credit.”

“Maybe I don’t, but I can’t imagine myself ever doing it.” Toxic sighed. He looked up Smiley and then back down. Smiley twirled Toxic’s hair between his fingers as if to reassure him.

“It's mostly because I never told Dead Man.” The statement hit Smiley harder than he could have possibly anticipated. Smiley suddenly understood his role in this whole ordeal he was the only one who really knew. Kandy and Dead Man knew the side of the story they wanted to but only Smiley knew it all.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Toxic returned to meticulously folding the hem of his shirt. Smiley hated to admit it, but it made him feel good. It was his and Toxic’s secret.

Kandy, on the other hand, felt terrible. He tried to think about what Toxic could possibly not want to tell him, but couldn’t come up with anything. He knew it was silly to be jealous of Smiley, but Stoic never told him anything, let alone some big life changing secret that you wouldn’t even tell your best friend. Overall, Kandy really just felt bad about pushing Toxic like he did. He lay in his bed. He wanted to apologize to Toxic, he really did, but the actual act of doing so was far from desirable.

Eventually, he did get up and walked to Toxic’s room, but he was asleep all curled up in Smiley’s side.  
Smiley shrugs at him. Kandy mouths “I’m sorry” so as not to wake Toxic and goes back to his room. He mentally kicked himself, always too late. He just slumped into his pillow and went to sleep.  
The next morning Smiley, Toxic, and Stoic were sat around the table when Kandy woke up. Toxic admitted he looked awful; there was nothing starkly wrong with him but he was visibly tense and his eyes were dull. Kandy sat down beside Toxic, turning to him like it hurt.

“I’m really sorry for how I acted last night.” Kandy swallowed hard. “It was wrong of me to push you like that.”

Toxic smiled placing a hand on Kandy’s back. “Thank you. I’m sorry too. I should have been less touchy and I know that this is hard for you too.”

Smiley shot Toxic a questioning look from across the table. ‘The time is never going to be more right than this. Are you going to tell him?’ Smiley’s eyes almost plead.

Toxic shook his head. The time would never be right and he was okay with that now. “Why don’t you go back to bed, Kandy? You look terrible.”

Kandy did go back to bed and when he woke up, all was as it had been, but still far from well. Toxic was sat on the kitchen counter drinking a glass of murky liquid. Stoic and Smiley were nowhere in sight.

“Hey Kandy,” Toxic smiled down at him. “Feeling better?”

Kandy ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, yeah. What are you doing up there?”

“Nothing.” Toxic shrugged. “Stoic’s in the garden if you want to go stare at him passionately.”

Kandy glared at Toxic. “Smiley ratted me out didn’t he?”

Toxic stared at him in confusion for what seemed like hours before he set down his glass and hopped to the ground. “No, he didn’t. I was joking but now it seems so obvious. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

Kandy closes his eyes in frustration and takes a long breath. “Yeah.”

Toxic looked giddy. “Oh, this is exciting. This is so exciting.”

Kandy waved his hands in exasperation. “No. This is not exciting. You are not going to have anything to do with this. I am fine on my own, thanks.”

This just made Toxic smile. “Really Kandy. You’re fine on your own?” Toxic placed a knowing hand on Kandy’s shoulder. “How long have you lived in this house?”

Kandy hung his head. “Ten years.”

“And how long has Stoic lived in this house?”

“Eleven years.”

“Now, that aside, let me ask you a more pressing question.”

“What?” Kandy sighed.

“When was the last time you got laid?”

“Really?” Toxic paid him no mind.

“Because according to my research it would have been a while ago.”

“I hate you.”

“You’re off your game. You’ve lost yourself.” Toxic rubbed it in.

“Please man.”

“Just go talk to Stoic. Come on.” Kandy groaned.

“If you’ll shut up.” Toxic pushed Kandy toward the back door in earnest.

“I will! Just go.”

“I’m going.” Kandy swatted him away and made a show of exiting the door. Stoic sat winding the tendrils of a pea plant gone awry around a metal structure. He smiled as Kandy approached him but didn't speak.

Kandy just sat beside him and pulled weeds from the plot, unsure how to begin such a conversation.

“What was Smiley talking about last night?” Stoic finally asked after too many minutes of uncomfortably avoiding eye contact. Kandy didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know.” Stoic frowned at him and Kandy knew he was being hypocritical for chastising Toxic, but he can’t think of words to explain himself.

“I know you do.” Kandy just looks ashamed. He had nothing to say for himself. “You don’t have to tell me, but you’re being weird. You don’t yell anymore. I miss your yelling.”

“You miss my yelling?” Stoic nodded.

“I thought for sure that was annoying.”

“It’s horribly annoying but quiet doesn’t suit you. That’s my thing. We have to have some contrast. Smiley is quiet and Toxic is loud, you're loud and I’m quiet.”

“Smiley really isn’t that quiet he’s just coherent and Toxic isn’t.”

“You know what I meant.”

“I do, opposites attract.”

“I never got that as a kid but it makes sense now.” That made Kandy feel nice.

“Okay, I got that, more yelling. What do you mean by ‘acting weird’?” Kandy asked as if checking things off a list.

“I’m not sure, to be honest.” Stoic twirled the stem of a flower between his fingers. “You seem paranoid, specifically whenever Smiley talks. Does he know something I don’t?”

“Yeah, but not because I wanted him to.” Kandy’s tone is almost angry.

“How’d he find out?”

“He’s just observant. I love him to death but he can’t keep a secret, so now Toxic knows too. Pretty soon he’ll be sending you on a scavenger hunt to find out or something of the sort, the dramatic bastard.”

“He does love a good scavenger hunt.”

Kandy laughed leaning into Stoic.

Toxic swirled his drink in his glass sitting in the windowsill smiling smugly. He nodded at Smiley.

“Sometimes you have to be a little bit meddlesome.”

Smiley sighed at him. “I can’t believe you.”

Toxic rolled his eyes and tugged at Smiley’s shirt. “Don’t be ridiculous you knew this is exactly what  
I’d do.”

Smiley smiled, defeated. “I did.”

Toxic hit him playfully. “That’s my boy.” He gestured out the window to where Stoic and Kandy were sitting. “Look at them. They’re like little kids.”  
Smiley shrugged. “It’s cute.”

“It’s adorable, but it’s weird.”

“How do you mean?”

“Look at Kandy, he’s so nervous. Kandy doesn’t get nervous about this sort of thing. He just does.”

“That’s why it’s cute now. He’s not just going to do for once.” Toxic shoved him.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Yes it was.”

“Yes it was.”

“Leave them alone for a bit.” Smiley ushered him off the windowsill. Toxic hopped down finishing his drink. Smiley squinted at the last dregs of the liquid. “What is that?” Toxic frowned.

“I really don’t know. An ale of some sort maybe? Really old lemonade?”

“I swear, it’s a miracle you aren’t dead yet.” An engine purred in the distance. Toxic peaked out the window again, covering his eyes to the sun. A white car, flanked by four motorcycles glinted in the distance, he dropped his glass. Shards scattered across the floor but that was the least of his concerns.

“Go!” Toxic shouted out the window but Stoic Shock and Kandy Kat were already on the move. Toxic tightened his belt keeping a grip on the blaster at his side he yanked the blankets off the bed and tucked them hastily under his arm grabbing the first aid kit from beside the bed and running out the door. Stoic was already there loading jugs of water quickly onto the truck. Kandy was quickly grabbing knives, a flashlight, a lighter, and his compass, along with Oso’s maps they had kept.  
Smiley set cases of canned foods into the bed of the truck and they are on their way.


	8. VIII

The white car gained on them and Stoic fired from where he was kneeling in the bed of the truck. Toxic twisted around hanging out of the passenger window and managed a decent crack in their windshield. Kandy lit a flare and tossed the smoking rod right in front of them. The scarecrow in front swerved instinctively and Smiley took a hard right out towards the mountains.

“Be careful with those flares, we might need them,” Toxic warned Kandy who was always a bit too ready to set something on fire. They had the advantage off road; bigger wheels are less affected by the rocky sand below, but the Scarecrow was persistent.

Kandy and Stoic continued firing at them. Kandy took a shot to his right shoulder but he held up for one last good shot to the right front tire of the car. It spun out, almost knocking a drac off his bike. Kandy cursed as the burning pain started to set in. Stoic hit one of the dracs on a motorcycle, knocking his partner over in turn. The two remaining bikes were not letting up. Smiley turned onto a winding mountain road. It put them in a compromising position but he had nowhere else to go. By the time they managed to shake both of them, Smiley had taken an incomprehensible amount of erratic turns 6000 feet into the mountains. Toxic knew he’d be laughing about this in a few days time but in that moment he didn’t feel like laughing. He felt like crying and he was. Dracs were chasing them, and Kandy’s pained panting can be heard from the cab because they’ve all gone silent as Stoic tore the fabric of Kandy’s shirt and wet it to sooth the burn. Toxic tried to focus on his own breathing as Smiley exited with the first aid kit. Kandy gripped Stoic’s hand tight and hissed through gritted teeth as Smiley spread cool white ointment onto Kandy’s wound.

Kandy’s arms and legs were riddled with scars from very similar situations but it didn’t make the pain any less. He felt sick to his stomach and he was sweating profusely. All the same, Stoic sat beside him, a steady hand on his clammy forehead until his heart rate relaxed and he slept.

“Poor thing,” Stoic muttered to Smiley. Toxic exited the car and Smiley carefully slid his arms around Toxic’s waist. Toxic tensed, he knew what was coming. Sure enough, Smiley whispers in his ear, bad news.

“I have no idea where we are and the truck is running on empty.”

Smiley could feel Toxic’s unhealthily fast heart rate against his shoulder blade and remained calm for his sake. “Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out.”

Toxic didn’t believe him but Smiley’s words were all he had. They were stood in a small clearing near the top of one of the taller mountains in a small cluster of about eight mountains. There was an open desert to both of Toxic’s side and that was not comforting. He was disoriented and lightheaded but he climbed the rocky face of the mountainside to his left to get a better grip of where exactly they were. It doesn’t help, it just makes him feel more isolated. There are no buildings in sight. He stood up there just soaking in the situation. He didn’t climb back down until Smiley called for him to eat. He sits on the edge of the truck next to a sleeping Kandy. As Stoic carefully rebound the wound, Toxic realized through and through there was no hope for him. Rubbing alcohol was the substance with the highest demand in the zones and no one ever had any. The Trophy Boys were no exception. All they could do was wait patiently for the infection to creep its way into Kandy’s blood. Toxic did his best to pretend he didn’t know that. Stoic settled down beside Kandy hoping for a decent night’s sleep. Smiley did the same and gestured for Toxic to come join him but Toxic just stayed seated.

“Bitch, get over here and at least try to sleep. I don’t want to have to listen to your whining tomorrow.”

Toxic couldn’t help but laugh at that so he crawled over careful not to disturb Kandy and laid down. He didn’t sleep well, but he did sleep. When he sat up the next morning Smiley was already packing what they had into backpacks. Toxic didn’t ask, he just slipped one on and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Smiley smiled at him and Toxic gave him a thumbs up back like they were going to start their first middle school soccer game, not try to escape an unfamiliar mountain range with their fatally injured best friend.

Kandy woke up slowly. As he came to and opened his eyes, Toxic could see it in him that he knew.  
Kandy felt almost rabid. The dull sting of his wound was a constant reminder he had nothing to lose. He would inevitably die out in the mountains. It didn’t bother him. He hadn’t been afraid of the Phoenix Witch when she took Oso, and he’d made peace with death long ago. The desert’s sands grind you down until you don’t blink twice in the face of death. Kandy was not ready just yet though. He still had all this being in love with Stoic business to sort out. Most of him wanted to just make conversation as they all meandered down the road. He wanted it to get it out there just say “Hey Stoic I’ve been in love with you for like at least nine years, pretty wild right,” but he was still bitter. He still hated Stoic for letting him wither away right before his very eyes. He hated Stoic for never asking how he felt or what he wanted because Stoic was so sure he’d just say it anyway. He hated Stoic for taking his naturally open, loud nature for granted and using as an excuse to never talk to him. He hated Stoic so much for expecting him to make the first move. He waited nine long years for Stoic Shock to realize he was scared; he would wait until he died if he had to.

Toxic was still trying his best not to panic. They could be making progress, winding down the mountain, or they could be venturing toward a valley they had no chance of escaping. Smiley led the way, his casual confidence and general positivity always put Toxic at ease. Kandy hummed softly practically skipping. Stoic watched him with a smile on his face. You could count on Kandy to keep things light. He tired quickly, falling back into the group. They walked through cool fog for hours. They found incredible outcroppings of rock, dark mysterious caves, and large growths of fungus. None of them really appreciated it. Kandy would try to get them excited about things, gesturing dramatically to patches of lichen, but they would just smile sadly at him.

They spoke in hushed voices as if the mountain might hear. Kandy gave up on his color commentary. They were glad to have the peace but ashamed to have discouraged him. They walked in what was about as meaningful as silence until they reached a clearing. An oval of overgrown grass sloped down to the shore of a lake. Kandy dropped his backpack hastily and waded into the lake.

“It’s freezing Kandy, you’re going to get hypothermia,” Stoic called down to him.

“Who cares?” Kandy grinned up at him. “I’m going to die anyway.” His nonchalance was terrifying like it was a game.

“Don’t say that.” Stoic pleaded after nearly a minute of heavy quiet.

“Why not?” Kandy gritted his teeth, mad dogging Stoic.

Toxic crossed his arms, huffing, and sat down on the blanket Smiley was spreading across the damp grass. “It’s like a picnic,” Toxic smiled at Smiley, opening a can of beans with a knife.

“Do you think they’re really going to fight?” Smiley asked, nodding to where Kandy now stood on the shore of the lake a few feet below Stoic.

“He’d lose.”

“Yeah, if Stoic would actually fight him he’d lose, but you know he won’t.” Kandy now stood mere inches from Stoic. He snarled at him raising his arms to push Stoic. Stoic does stumble back a few feet. He didn’t think Kandy would really act on his words.

“Should we stop them?” Toxic asked at the sight of this.

“No, it’ll be good for them.”

Toxic furrowed his eyebrows at Smiley. “How in the world could this be good?”

“He’s venting. He can’t do any harm to Stoic, and Stoic isn’t willing to do anything to him.”

“That’s fucked up man. I know Kandy can’t physically hurt him but come on, Stoic relies on Kandy. This could really mess him up.”

“I’m not saying it’s healthy I’m just saying, Kandy will lay a few punches on him, cry about it, and they’ll figure it out.”

Toxic could barely comprehend what Smiley was saying. “We’ll talk about this later. I’m going to stop it.”

Toxic stood to approach them just as Kandy swung hard at Stoic’s jaw with all he had in him. Kandy screamed at the pain it caused, clutching his shoulder where the wound had been torn open. Stoic staggered backward, still staring at Kandy in disbelief. Toxic ran to Stoic examining his jaw. It was beginning to bruise but Kandy hadn’t managed to knock any of his teeth loose.

Smiley stood approaching Kandy. “What the hell are you doing?”

Kandy looked up at him. Kandy held steadfast to his gruff expression, but his eyes shone. Smiley helped him to his feet. “Why would you do that?”

Kandy’s breathing was heavy he closed his eyes and contorted his face against the pain. “I hate him.”

Smiley shakes his head. “Kandy, we both know that’s not true.”

Tears are rolling down Kandy’s face now.

“If you really hate him why are you crying?”

“My shoulder hurts.”

“Don’t be childish. Just tell him the truth.”

“No, he’s got to come to me. I’m on my deathbed! I don’t want to have to do work.”

“I’m not saying you’re fit as a fiddle but you’re hardly on your deathbed.” At that Kandy fell back to his knees and heaved the little contents he had within his stomach. “Speak of the devil.”

Smiley kneeled beside Kandy carefully removing his jacket to keep it from getting dirty. Kandy coughs everything and more up.

“I might not be on my death bed but man, I feel like shit.” Kandy frowned down at the sick on his jeans and slipped them off. “I’m getting back in that lake, this is so gross man I’m sorry.”  
“Are you seriously apologizing? I can’t believe you.”

Kandy just walked down into the lake. “Hey Stoic!” Kandy called. Stoic looked hesitantly up at him, a bruise already developing on his face. “Do you have that water filter?” Stoic just nodded. “I’m sorry I hit you in the face!”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you should hit me in the face.” Stoic paused. “I really wish you would tell me why though so I could stop it.”

“You know why.”

“You keep saying that to me.”

“When have I ever said that before?”

“Nevermind.”

Kandy glares at him.

“You were drunk.”

“That's not saying much. I'm drunk a lot.”

“It's happened a lot.”

“Since when?”

“I don't know. You didn't always say that. You used tell me you loved me,” Kandy blushed, “but now it's that you hate me.”

Kandy didn't say anything because he didn't really have anything to say standing in a lake covered in his own vomit with his pants off.

“The plot thickens.” Toxic whispered to Smiley.

“I told you this would happen.”

“I know and I am not happy about it. Imagine if I punched you in the face every time I had something to say.”

“You'd never stop.”

Toxic scoffed.

“So you knew this whole time and just didn't say anything?”

“I thought you'd say something.”

At this Kandy lost it completely, he screamed at the top of his lungs. “Of course you did. Of course, you fucking did.” He doubled over and threw up again but he didn't let it phase him he wiped his mouth and looked back up. “You never thought for a second that I might be too fucking scared to tell my best friend I've been in love with him? You figured I was a whore so I would just tell you.”  
Stoic stared at him in silence.

“Hard to respond to that isn't it?” Kandy said like he'd been planning the conversation for years. “You know it's true.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Gee thanks. That means a lot.”

“Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way. Can we get a kiss before I cross that item off the docket?” Toxic teased them.

“No, look at him.” Stoic gestured to Kandy kneeling in the lake trying to get his own throw up out of his shirt. His skin was pale and clammy.

“I don't blame you.”

“He's not going to look any better.” Smiley pointed out.

“I'm hoping for more attractive symptoms.”

“I can hear you,” Kandy complained. “But yeah, this is really gross. Why couldn't I have like a fever?”

“Maybe you will. Get some sleep, we need to keep moving.” Toxic said laying down on the blanket.


	9. IX

Kandy Kat did get a fever. He woke up moaning and groaning.

“Fuck, I’m warm.”

“Your prayers have been answered,” Toxic deadpans holding out a can toward him.

Kandy waves it away. “Don’t waste that on me.”

“What?”

“I’m just going to throw it up. You’re going to need it later. It’s just logic.”

“You’ve never been much for logic my friend, and I don’t like you using it.”

“Come on man. By the way, when I die, I’m totally down with you eating me, but my body’s pretty messed up. You might get herpes.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“I’m sorry that was gross, you’re eating.”

“No, dumbass, we aren’t going to eat you when you die, that’s super morbid man.”

“I mean you don’t have to eat me but if you need to I won’t be offended.”

Toxic sighed. “Just, please, shut up.”

Kandy just shrugged. “I’m totally fine with dying man. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

Toxic stared incredulously at Kandy. “Are you even hearing yourself? A week ago you were all over me for not being visibly devastated enough about Dead Man dying.”

“Yeah,” Kandy said, “but that wasn’t really about that.”

“You made it seem as if it were about that.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t count.”

“I’m pretty sure it counts,” Stoic grunted in agreement. “See,” Toxic gestured to Stoic. “Your boyfriend agrees with me.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Stoic raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“No, you’re slimy,” Stoic said, obviously displeasing Kandy.

“I’m dying!”

“I thought we agreed not to talk about you dying.” Toxic butted in.

“We did not!” Kandy waved his arms in exasperation. “I am going to talk about me dying as much as possible to make you feel bad so you do nice things for me.”

“Whatever, but when you do die, don’t expect us to act surprised.”

“Can I request at least one gasp?”

“Each?” Toxic bartered.

“In total.”

“How would you feel if we each gave one-third of a gasp?”

Kandy pretended to think about it. “Deal.” He holds out his hand for Toxic to shake but Toxic shrinks back.

“You’re slimy.”

Kandy just sighed. “I’m dying!”

“Excuses, excuses.” Toxic placed a hand on Smiley’s shoulder and pushed himself to his feet. “We should get going.”

Kandy pulled himself up by Stoic’s arm, who staggered forward.

“Don’t steal my thunder.” Kandy pushed Stoic to right him. “We can’t both be dying.”

Stoic gave Kandy a small smile and wiped the sweat from his brow. Toxic and Smiley walked ahead of them, talking amongst themselves. Toxic had rid himself of the overwhelming anxiety that had come with their helplessness. He could almost pretend Kandy was alright if he didn’t look at him, and looking at Smiley had always come naturally. He tried to stay lighthearted if only to assure Kandy behind him they’ll survive without him making them laugh.

Smiley could feel Toxic’s eyes on him almost as firmly as he could feel Toxic’s hand in his. He tried to focus on Toxic as Toxic was focused on him but the sound of Stoic’s labored breathing cut through their facade. He wasn’t one to be winded. Smiley himself felt fine, and Toxic beside him was going as far as to pick up the pace. Smiley’s train of thought was interrupted by the sound of Kandy violently retching.

By this point he was beyond dry heaving he was just gagging up bile. He waved Stoic’s concerned hands away and kept on. They walked for hours. Toxic did his best to avoid Kandy’s now dull eyes by giving Smiley his undivided attention. He could see in the shining brown of Smiley’s eyes that his thoughts were elsewhere. Toxic drummed patterns into the palm of Smiley’s hand trying desperately to elicit a reaction from him, but Smiley just periodically smiled kindly up at Toxic as if they were going for a stroll.

Toxic’s eyes never left Smiley’s but what he was thinking lurked far below the surface. Smiley’s fingers traced the area of skin on Toxic’s side where the strap of his backpack pulled up his shirt as if to assure him Smiley was still, in fact, there. Toxic doubted his actions were entirely truthful as he’d been calling Smiley’s name for nearly a minute with no response. He had to physically grab Smiley’s face and turn it toward him before Smiley noticed.

“What’s wrong?” Toxic asked as Smiley pushed Toxic’s hands off his face.

“Listen.”

Toxic did. At first, all he could hear were the sounds of the mountain, the dull buzzing of gnats, leaves rustling, then, below that there was Kandy’s rapid shallow breathing. Underneath it all lied Stoic’s own breathing. It was slow and labored, he was working for every breath.

As Toxic and Smiley, both turned around to say something Stoic collapsed. He was out cold on the ground; his breathing increasingly shaky. Kandy was the first to react, jolting Stoic’s body to wake him up. He did, almost immediately.

“What the hell?” Kandy kneels over him grappling frantically with Stoic’s face and hair. “Please. Stoic, I’ve been an ass my whole life, what’s happening to you?”

“A snake.” Stoic indicated to his ankle where there was a clear bite wound and a substantial rash.  
“Why wouldn’t you tell anyone?”

“You said it yourself, we can’t both be dying.”

“That was before I knew you had gotten bit by a snake!” Kandy said, exasperated. “Use your head, Stoic! We care about you, I care about you. I’m not going to be offended if you’re dying at the same time I’m dying. That’s not an offensive thing, for Pete's sake assert yourself for once in your life!” At this point Kandy was almost crying, Stoic was trying to remain conscious and Toxic and Smiley were standing above the whole thing. Toxic’s fingernails dug into Smiley’s arm but neither of them really noticed, still dazed by the ordeal.

No one could have expected anyone to burst into action at the sight of what was taking place below. Stoic just smiled up at Kandy as his breathing gave out. It was spectacular in a way Stoic Shock had never gotten to be.

Toxic placed a hand on Kandy’s shoulder and knelt beside him. Kandy wiped his eyes but it was no use, tears roll down his face. He hiccuped.

“I haven’t cried in so long.” He tugged at Stoic’s Jacket, rubbing the material between his fingers.  
“This sucks, my throat hurts, I had almost forgotten that feeling.” He said like he and Stoic were kids whispering secrets in the night, but the sun was beating down on his back and those days were far behind them. “I wish I hadn’t been so stubborn and just told you everything.” He laughed. “But I can I wish all I want, right? It’s all too late now. Damn it. Damn it all. I had nine years and I didn’t grow up.” Kandy tugged at his hair. “Well guess what? I’m grown up now and I’m probably going to die tomorrow.”

Kandy stood up and shrugged his jacket off. He carefully took Stoic’s jacket off him and put it on. He couldn’t fill the shoulders but the arms were too short. It fit him perfectly. He folded his own jacket nicely and set it on Stoic’s stomach before planting himself cross-legged on the forest floor. He held his own gun as well as Stoic’s and Oso’s out to Toxic who took them solemnly.

“Leave us here.” Kandy pleaded.

Smiley tried to protest but Toxic looked into Kandy’s eyes, now spilling with silent tears, and pulled him away.

“Goodbye Kandy,” Toxic called but didn’t turn to look back at him.

“I hope you two get out of here.”

“We will,” Smiley said and nodded at Toxic.


	10. X

They walked all day and all night without speaking. It was late afternoon the next day when Mr. Smiley broke the silence.

“We’re so lucky.”

Toxic looked down at him, confused.

“Not in this very moment but overall. How many people in this world just happen to stumble across people they can stand spending ten years with.”

Toxic smiled. “Not many. I still can’t believe you put up with me, and you get something out of it. It’s a miracle Stoic didn’t murder me.” Smiley laughed.

“Not to mention younger me, I was the worst.”

“You were, thought you were the best man on this earth.”

“Now I know you are.”

“Don’t get sappy with me I’m trying to insult you.”

“I just love you so much.”

“I love you too but that's not what we're talking about.” Toxic laughed leaning into him. “You kissed my girlfriend.”

“Yeah.” Toxic scratched the back of his head.

“All of them.”

“Not Bee.”

“I was just dating her to make you jealous it doesn't count.”

“Did she know that?”

“Of course she did. I wasn't an asshole like you were.”

Toxic buried his head in his hands to hide his blushing. “I'm sorry.”

Smiley ruffled Toxic hair. “I know you are.”

“How can we act like this?” Toxic asked sending them back to earth.

“It's all we have.” Smiley sat down, tired from the weight of the past few day. “I want to take a long nap and cry as much as the next guy but we can't because we are stuck in the goddamn mountains.  
We have to just keep walking.”

“I guess we do,” Toxic agreed and sat beside Smiley. He was aching to sleep in his own bed, to be home. Home, that didn't seem quite right anymore. Stoic and Kandy were staples of their life and they held valuable roles at The Riff. Toxic tried to think of it like that, from purely a business perspective, but his life wasn't a business and he was falling apart.

They dozed off, never sleeping for more than an hour at a time. Stoic's dead eyes plagued their thoughts and Kandy's desperate cries for him become the soundtrack to their dreams. It seems like days before they're on the move again. They tried to put it behind them, it didn't work. Toxic Valentine and Mr. Smiley tried desperately to hold onto each other, to laugh and smile. To walk onward blindly with optimism.

They ate less every day but neither of them noticed until Toxic shrugged his shirt off on a particularly hot day and Smiley could clearly see his ribs.

When Rian first met Alex again, in the zones, Alex was skin and bones. He’d recently left Matt. He was set on building a life of his own but wasn’t doing very well so far. At the age of 17, he was a master of making bad decisions. He was sat half naked holding bottle of whiskey on a pile of wrecked cars.

“Alex?” Rian called to him, the sun was beginning to set and Rian didn’t really want to believe his eyes. He and Alex had gone their separate ways nearly six months ago. Rian hadn’t seen him since then, but he heard stories. This was in itself a huge red flag. Unbelievable things can happen out in the zones so if your name is on the lips of somebody you don’t know, something is seriously wrong.  
“Rian,” Alex slurred, smiling down at him. “I’m the king of the world Ri.” He slides forward laying on his stomach and kicking his legs in the air like a child. “I’ve haven’t been shit until now Ri, but you’ll see.” He stood on the heap, bare feet hopping over broken glass. Maybe it was the orange glow of the setting sun or the way the alcohol made Alex move with confidence he didn’t have sober, but Rian thought he did look like a king. His hair had grown long in the days since they left the city. He was tan from spending too much time laying around outside. Most of all, he spoke with conviction.

“Just you wait Rian. I’m going to rule this place. I will, you’ll see.”

Seeing how thin Toxic had become reminded Smiley of those times. Toxic had developed a bad habit of drinking too much in the evening and throwing up what he had eaten during the day. His body was falling apart but he was sharp as a tack. Smiley couldn’t say that for him now.

Toxic’s lexicon remained as impressive as it always had been but he was faster like he was rushing through every thought. He was talking a mile a minute to Smiley like he might die in the middle of his next sentence. The thought didn’t seem as far off as it once had.

Smiley stopped Toxic gently, pointing to the trees ahead of them. A deer stood between the trees staring at them. Light filtered down through the trees onto its brown downy fur. Toxic drew his gun and shot it twice in the head.

“What?” Smiley turned to him, startled as Toxic lowered his gun.

“We need to eat more.” Toxic reached up feeling his own face, it had become more angular and his eyes seemed sunken. He looked pale despite the time they were spending outdoors and Smiley could tell from the way Toxic was blinking slowly at him that Smiley was far from healthy looking himself. “I feel lightheaded all the time, and sick. We need to do this.” Toxic hesitantly approached the carcass of deer. He winced as he knelt beside it.

“What am I doing?” Toxic looked at Smiley who is still standing where Toxic left him.

“You’ve killed several people. This should be easier.”

Toxic Valentine knew it should have been but he wasn’t exactly happy about killing those people when he did, let alone so soon after seeing two of his best friends dead. A considerable portion of him wanted to write a whiny poem about how this deer had friends just like he did but he didn’t have a pen and he was really hungry.

“Do you have a knife?” Toxic asked. He had three blasters tucked into his belt but somehow not even a lousy pocketknife.

Smiley dug a knife out of his pocket and tossed it toward Toxic. Toxic caught it and flipped open the biggest blade. He examined the body of the deer before sloppily stabbing it in the middle of its side. Smiley almost laughed at it but he turned away at the sight of the blood. Toxic cursed under his breath but didn’t do anything about the blood soaking into his jeans. He couldn’t have had less of an idea what he was supposed to be doing, but he went for it, any qualms were long forgotten.

In a few hours, Toxic had a quite a few misshapen cubes of deer meat cooked to a point to which he was satisfied with. The hem of his yellow hoodie was soaked in deer blood and his pants were splattered with the stuff. A few weeks ago, he would have freaked out, trying to remove the stains from his clothes but he couldn’t care less now. He handed a stick of deer to Smiley with a flourish.  
“A gourmet meal for my dearest. It is seasoned with nothing and cooked inconsistently by a fire that took me seven matches to start.”

“Give the Chef my compliments.”

“Of course, sir.” Toxic bowed dramatically and sat beside Smiley. They melted into casual conversation. They walk for 3 more days before anything more happened.

“You know, I haven’t even begun to consider brushing my teeth in like a super long time,” Toxic mused, lazily walking backward so he could face Mr. Smiley.

“Oh, I know.” Smiley reached forward and grabbed the front of his shirt to keep him from running into a tree.

Toxic stuck his tongue out at Smiley. “Okay, Mr. Clean,” Toxic said, dismissing his comment, and ventured toward the edge of an outcropping of rocks. He dropped to his stomach dangling his hands over the edge reaching toward the water below. “If we can get down there, we can follow the river out of here, downhill.”

“I don’t have a better plan.” Toxic opened his backpack and fished out a rope. Smiley tied it to the back of Toxic’s belt. “I’m not convinced this is actually making this any safer. It’s going to get in my way, and I look ridiculous.”

“I’m the only person for miles.”

“I know. Please. If I fall, you’re just going to get dragged down too.”

“Toxic.”

Toxic Valentine stopped fiddling with the rope on his belt and looked to Mr. Smiley.

“I used to think we were going to live forever out here, but Kandy and Stoic just died, and everything feels so real now. I’m just tying this rope to you so that if you fall and I have to watch you split your skull open on the rocks down there I’ll know I tried and maybe, just maybe, I’ll feel a little less responsible.”

Toxic kissed Smiley and started down the cliff. He left his shoes with Smiley at the top; he did his best to keep his weight off the rope. Halfway down he paused to look up at Smiley, his knuckles were white with fear as he held the rope too tight.

“I love you.” Toxic smiled up at Smiley.

“Please focus on climbing.”

Toxic just shook his head and kept going. The rocks cut into his hands and feet so by the time he reached the bottom his hands and feet were bloodied. The cool moss that lined the riverbank was a welcome texture to his injured feet.

“Toss me the backpacks.”

Toxic caught them with ease, setting them against the wall of the chasm. “Wait a minute,” Toxic looked up at Smiley. “If I’m down here with the rope how do I comfort myself if you die?”

“If I fall you’ll catch me.”

Toxic chuckled. “Well, my body will be here to cushion your fall, that’s for sure.”

Smiley began his slow descent own the cliff face. Toxic didn’t take his eyes off Smiley until his feet rested safely on the ground. Smiley shook his hands, wincing at the cuts.

“I’m surprised you aren't complaining about this.” Smiley turned Toxic’s hands in his, examining the cuts.

“I know it’d just make you worry more.”

Smiley couldn’t help but agree with that. Toxic dipped his legs into the river. The deer’s blood from his pants and the blood from his feet stained the water as it flowed past him. Smiley did the same and they carefully put their shoes and socks back on. Toxic got on his hands and knees on the river bank and stuck his head in the water, soaking his hair. He stood up shaking it out like a dog. Smiley laughed at Toxic and held up his hands, trying to get Toxic to stop flinging the water everywhere. After spending more time than they’d likely admit pettily splashing each other, Mr. Smiley took the initiative to get moving. He put his backpack on and started down the bank of the river. There was only a foot of space between the river and the face of the cliff so Smiley shimmied along with Toxic close behind him. Toxic hummed quietly as they moved steadily but slowly along.

Over time the bank of the river thins and they’re forced to carefully hop from one stone to another to avoid getting soaked or swept away. Toxic got cocky fast, spinning and leaping across rocks, he passed Smiley quickly. Smiley took a more practical approach, moving more slowly than Toxic, but also more carefully. It proved worthless as, despite his efforts, Smiley lost his footing on a rock and let out a yelp as he fell. Toxic spun quickly at the sound of it and grabbed the front of Mr. Smiley’s shirt to no avail. Toxic was hardly balanced, to begin with, so he fell with Smiley. Toxic Valentine’s face was mere inches from Mr. Smiley’s when the sharp ghastly sound of a man’s head striking a rock cascades across the forest.

“Rian?” Toxic’s knees rested on the riverbed on either side of Smiley’s waist, his hands ran gently over Smiley’s face. He pushed Smiley’s hair out of his eyes and whispered softly. “Rian, Rian, Rian, come on sweetheart.”

Toxic Valentine felt like he lost all purpose. He didn’t move. He sat there staring down at Mr. Smiley. There was no chance to scream, to plead to the witch. Mr. Smiley was alive one second and dead the next. Toxic Valentine was always the most emotional of the group. It was something he’d grown into over the years. First, Dead Man was there to clean up his mess, the mess he would make of himself, and then there was Mr. Smiley to beam up at him and keep his mess in check. In that moment Toxic Valentine felt more emotional than he ever had and both Dead Man and Mr. Smiley were long gone. Toxic Valentine did not move from where he sat for hours. He let the water soak through his clothes and laid down in the river. For the first time in his life, he was cold laying beside Mr. Smiley.  
The one thing Toxic Valentine had more of than emotion was drive. He stood slowly, shivering, told himself it was the cold and continued on his way. There was little Toxic Valentine could do on his journey back home. He found no comfort in the low buzz of insects in the wood above him, they had undoubtedly made a home of his friend’s bodies by now. He found no comfort in the roaring water of the river, for even that had betrayed him.

After what felt like lifetimes, Toxic Valentine encountered a cave. A large hole in the face of the cliff. The entrance began at Toxic’s chest so he pulled himself up and into the cavern. He had to crawl up a slope before it opened into an area in which he could stand. Toxic chose to sit instead and slowly drifted off to sleep. He had made a bad habit of that, sleeping for days whenever something significant happened to him. Mr. Smiley would drag him out of bed to do something, to get his momentum back on track. Mr. Smiley was too many miles away to be considering how healthful Toxic’s sleeping habits were.

Toxic Valentine was thinking too much. He knew Mr. Smiley was gone he just couldn’t seem to get rid of him. Toxic Valentine didn’t want to completely forget Mr. Smiley, how could he? He just wished he could stop opening his mouth to say things to someone who wasn’t there. He would expect to feel a hand on his collar whenever he leaned over the edge of something. Smiley was always nervous about him, always there and that made Toxic more daring when Smiley wasn’t. He jumped blindly off several ledges, without malicious intent but with the knowledge, he definitely wouldn’t have was Smiley there. It was a combination of the adolescent feeling of rebellion and the fact he wasn’t living for anyone but himself.

He felt lighter on his feet but not in a good way; he felt like he might float away. He might tip a little too far, forgetting Smiley’s finger wasn’t hooked through his belt loop to keep him from falling and topple over the edge.

Toxic Valentine wanted to get home. He was tired of walking, he was tired of sleeping on the forest floor. He wanted to get home not to live but to rest. In the innumerable hours, he spent walking home Toxic thought of how much he had lost with the rest of The Trophy Boys. The name which they had once loved for its adolescence now seemed infelicitous. Toxic couldn’t operate the Riff on his own, he was a team player. He was a leader, but what is a leader without followers? A rouge? A hermit? A leader without followers is futile, and that’s how Toxic felt, useless.

He did escape from those mountains, emerged at the mouth of the river. It spread into a small lake level with the dry desert plains he’d had come to call home. Three killjoys about ten years his junior sat at the edge of the lake and on the hood of an old car. They sneered up at him. He couldn’t blame them, he was sure he looked awful.

“Who are you?” One of them asked spitting at his feet. He didn’t have the energy to be offended. He wasn’t sure how to answer, he didn’t feel like Toxic Valentine anymore. Toxic Valentine was a name the Trophy Boys had given him and it died with them. He didn’t feel like anything anymore. He was the final member, he had a whole life ahead of him, he had a cause to aid. He said that all as best he could.

“I’m the Last Young Renegade.”


	11. Epilogue

The Bee’s Knees was in a good mood. She had bought herself a new pair of shorts, the old ones were starting to fall apart at the seams, and she was ready to show them off.

“Boys!” She called, there was no response. “Boys?” She asked, louder this time. It was then that she began to notice the things that had slipped her mind before. The kitchen window which faced the front of the house had been smashed from the inside glass littered the ground. The truck was not parked on the side of the building. The front door was locked so she walked around to the back. The garden is nearly dead, all it was open.

She’s horrified but what she finds. “THE TROPHY BOYS ARE DEAD” is written sloppily on the wall. Three jackets and a pair of suspenders are pinned to the wall with knives. Bee’s immediate thought is that they must have pissed somebody off over the years who finally snapped. That didn’t really make sense though, the Trophy Boys weren’t one to lose a fight. She tried to explain it staring at the wall and then she sees it.

A small heart is written at the base of the wall and beside it a set of initials, AWG. A message for a select few that she had received.


End file.
